Feeling sorry but glad

Have you by any chance come across a situation where you must move forward even if it might hurt others? Most of the time we do it for our own benefits and some people might get hurt along the way. Making the decision to do something is hard. You think of the consequences and you feel scared of it. This is what most people face when making a life changing decision. You're scared of risk, scared of not knowing what might happen. I know the feelings - the insecurities. It's like driving down a secluded cross roads, not knowing which to choose and feeling scared of what awaits at the end of the road. At times, knowing that you'll hurt others and yet still making the decision to do it, you feel guilty and sometimes you wish you can turn back time. But if you don't make that decision, you'll never know if there are better opportunities waiting for you out there. It might be bad and it might be good, whatever it is, we should be more brave and take that step forward. I've told myself to be more adventurous, don't be a coward and strive towards what's best for me. However, i didn't follow my own advice all the time.

This time it was a bit different for me... I had to do it, i have no choice. Staying here right now, in our position, nothing is gonna change. Unless i take that necessary step forward, we'll both be stuck wondering what to do till the end. It's nothing drastic, nothing bad. A simple act that could hurt a feeling. But it's for the best. We can move it on like this. I seriously can't see this going anywhere so I might as well end this constant doubt and make a decision. I can move on, they can move on too. Let's not waste our time.

I've been staring at this quote on my wall the entire time, it says : Don't waste your time looking back at what you've lost. Move on, life is not meant to be traveled backwards. Its a wise quote. It's true. 

I can't change the past and i can't change how i acted but i don't regret. I'm moving forward and i feel sorry but I'm glad I made the right decision. I know, there will be a better future waiting. I've learnt to take my own advice and be more brave. Because if you are not willing to keep your options open, nothing new will come to you. Another quote from my wall: You can't start the next chapter in your life if you keep rereading the last one. I can't make any changes if i keep making the same mistakes too. We should learn from our mistakes. Making changes, feeling insecure and seeing the results of our decisions. If you made a bad decision? It's okay, keep calm and do what you can do. The world hasn't end. Your road cannot end there. If you waver at the little bumps on the road towards your happiness and dreams, you'll never get there. I will do the same now. I will not hesitate. If i have to go, I'll go. 

So take the challenge, take the step forward. Move on... It's normal to feel sorry but at the end, you'll be glad you took that step.

Growing up

It took me a long time to grab this concept of "growing up". I thought i've grown up when i hit 18. I am i legal adult, true, but just physically. Mentally & emotionally, I'm not. You see, even if you are 20 or 30, you might still be considered grown up if you can't see through some of the issue's in life. I'm talking about holding grudges and calculating all those small offending acts people had done to you before. It is not an act of growing up.
Recently, a guy, this guy, just said something to me that i find rather offending and sexist. The things he said to me wasn't new, i experienced it about 7 or 8 years ago, but the difference is the reaction that i gave. At 13, i flipped out at their comment and curse them into oblivion. At 21, although it was as offending as it was before, i don't really care. Sure it was rude and i was as offended as i was, i didn't say anything.This is growing up to me. The small matter's doesn't matter anymore. If he can't appreciate me for who i am, then why should i care? I live myself as i want not according to what other's things. 
Yes, we don't realize that at most time, we tend to follow what other's said even if it harms us. As kids, we want to fit in. We'll do anything to be accepted and that's just a part of growing up and learning how to deal with this vicious world we're in. Being an adult, we should be more rational and matured. If i took offence at that guy's comment, it would have showed that i'm still a kid and i'm not matured enough to deal with the society. 
Recall any memory, when you thought it was seriously offending/ embarrassing that time now just looks so ridiculous that you want to laugh at yourself. I did, many times. Wished i could go back and slap myself. I'd take back what i said then if i can but the past is the past and we have to move forward. I've come a long way since. I guess why i'm like this right now is part of how i was. I learn as i grow. Being independent, seeing the world as it is now made me realize that, life is too short to give a damn about those little people that was a pain in the butt. Think of them as a bump in the road, you will have to face this kind of people sooner or later. As kids, we really spend much time holding grudges against other people, now i just don't think it's worth it.
 In this case i think he had made himself look bad. He's the immature one who gave sexist comments and childish assumptions. I don't know what is his problem. And i seriously, don't care. Sure, i'm more sarcastic towards him now but he's pretty oblivious so why press the matter? Since he doesn't see what he's done, i might as well just drop the matter. No point fuming over something he thinks he hasn't done. But of course, this matter might bite back at him someday, when he chooses to bring up something sexist and immature again. For now, i'll grow up and not care. 
There are assholes everywhere, it's how you deal with them that show's your strength as an adult. Keep in mind that they are just one small challenges that you have to deal with as a part of growing up. I did, so can you. Now throw away those grudges and move on, you'll feel that the world feels much free and easy without them...

The bling issue

Tell me it's not just me but don't anyone feel annoyed when in a movie, you see the protagonist hurling a diamond ring or necklace into the ocean following a breakup or death?

I mean why? Why would anyone do that? That bling is bought with money and they just throw it away like it's worth nothing. It's just plain stupid that some people would do something so dramatic as that.
So its was given by an ex that you hate, so what? There's many ways to get rid of the thing if you hate it so much and don't want to be reminded of them. 
Girls, don't be such a drama queen, sell it! You get to earn something back from the disastrous relationship. OR you can simply give him back the thing. For guys, oh please, you're the one that bought it, don't you feel wasted that you throw something that cost you so much into the sea? Be a dear and give it to someone else who deserve or want it. I'm sure your sisters or cousins or friends wouldn't mind to be given a free bling even if it was second hand. I know i don't mind. OR give it to the beggers or homeless people if you really think the piece of jewel is nothing to your pocket- ever heard of "A man's trash is another man's treasure"? Imagine what they can do with the big amount of cash. You could be saving a life.
I know some people see their money as dirt but be practical. Don't be a bitch and think of what you can do with the bling. If everyone throw valuables that brings bad memories into the river or sea, you got plenty of people scouring the sea bed now hoping to earn a windfall.
If it's like some of those tragic situations when your loved one's died at sea and their body are never found then you can do the dramatic throw. In this case people would have understood.

Short story: The lost soul

      He flapped his gloriously white and shining wings among the scorching flames, eyes staring at the woman in front of him. The face so familiar yet so distant to him, but still he felt an overwhelming urge to run to her and take her hand. 
     She on the other hand, watched him with hauntingly dark eyes, her blood red pupils constricted. Her hollow heart beating a fraction at the winged creature. Her fork tail whipped around irritatingly. The flames around her flared even higher, engulfing her. 
    The angel whispered, "Seere". The demon's eyes dilated with disbelief, "Rahmiel".
    "Seere, oh my seere, what have become of you?" he cried and took a step forward.  She backed away from his light and rose the fire to block him. 
    "This is what happens when those people did this to us. To me! Why are you an angel while I a demon?", she bellowed in a voice unrecognizable to him. Rahmiel the angel sighed, his heart sorrowful, "Seere, your heart is filled with hate and revenge. You're no longer the woman i once fell in love with. She was warm and loving, not you. I have come to help you redeem your lost soul, let me help you!".
    "This thing you're doing is very noble," Seere scoffed as fire escaped her nostrils. "You know I can't Rahmiel. I haven't had my share of revenge yet. Those people need to be punished! They need to know the pain and suffering they have put me through!".
    "That was our past life. A life where we made mistakes and where we had paid for it. We should put it behind and start anew. God will show mercy on you if you repent"
    "I was with child! YOUR child Rahmiel!" she screamed, the dirt around them shook and mounts of it turned into volcanic eruptions that could be felt in some parts of the world. The fires burned as it singed the angel's wings. "They burned me on a stake! They hung you in front of my burning flesh! They ruined us and the life we could have had with our child! What had we done to deserve this?!"
     Rahmiel remained calm as he faced the furious demon, "What they did was heinous indeed and they were punished in the name of God. Don't make the same mistakes as them Seere, come with me and together, we can have a new life, a new future."
     The demon shook her head, the horns on the crown of her head glossy from the fires. "It is not that easy, I cannot walk out of this when i want to. I made a deal with Hades and i have to pay for it" she frowned. The fires around them had quiet down as she pondered over possibilities.
     "I can help you pay, name it", the angel squared his broad shoulders and the halo around his head glowed.
     Seere looked at him questioningly and said, "You do realize it'll cost that pretty wings of yours?"
     Rahmiel smiled faintly, "I'm aware of that". The demon stared at him dubiously, "You are willing to give up your chance of being an angel to save a soulless demon like me?"
     "You still have a soul, Seere. And i'll give anything to save your soul," replied the angel.

Art by Karen

"We got married": Good or Bad show?

I used to be a fan of this korean variety show "we got married" where celebrities engage in a virtual marriage. It was fun watching how some people "acts" when they're married and some couples are really hilarious like Jo Kwon and Ga In. Those were the good times when these participants still has a grip on reality, they still have some distance as to not get too attached to each other cuz it is still a fake marriage, for the sake of the show. Whatever you see on the show might not be real but it was enjoyable watching them until a certain couple joined and ruined the fun. 
I'm talking about Lee Joon and Oh Yeon Seo couple. There's just so many things wrong about this couple that i can't describe. First, they should know this is a show, not real. Oh yeon seo really treats it like she's married for real to Lee joon and gets jealous and stuff. Ok, its still normal. Until she in one episode she starts telling him how they should get married for real and that she loves him and stuff. GOSH!! this is just freaky to me. No girl should ever be so desperate and blatantly suggesting such idea when she should know herself, this isn't REAL!! If she wants it so badly then date for real, but they didn't. Which brings me to the 2nd issue.
As some fans know Oh yeon seo has recently been in a scandal for dating Lee Jang Woo, her co star in a drama. She, at some point, admitted it. Then stupidly, i mean really STUPIDLY, goes on "we got married" and tearily told Lee Joon they are not. WTH is going on? She is contradicting her statements. Some netizens commented that she's faking tears to keep her on the show and this is publicity stuns. I do think so too.
I mean i'm not fan of these two but i'm just disgusted by them. They should get a grip on reality. I mean Lee Joon and Oh yeon seo are really too INTO this show. They really bring in emotions like feeling hurt and angry at each others action. And i repeat, its DISGUSTING to watch them.
That woman cant even get her mind straight if she wants to date Lee jang woo or Lee Joon. You dont just admit you're dating and then propose to the latter. She better get her shit settled. All i can see now, she crave attention and she is getting it-negative one's.
So it got me thinking if this show is really a good show to be continued. It's misleading their irrational and erratic minds. They think its for real, they get too emotional over it and too immersed in their character.
I don't know what to say about these two. But to the producers: get these two out of the show. 
The rest of the couples are fine but these two drama king and queen i can't stand. Publicity stunt or attention whore i don't care, they make me sick to the core.
Want to know more about what went down, check this out:
http://www.soompi.com/2013/01/14/oh-yeon-seos-tearful-apologies-on-we-got-married-infuriates-netizens-even-more/

A new year, a new aim, a new beginning

Hello folks, Happy New Year! We have all survived the end of the world and let me just say 21/12/2012 is the most annoying day of last year. We see people cheering on facebook how they are alive and such. Till now, i never believed that the end of the world is anywhere near now. 
I never believed that 2012 was the end of human race. It's not the end of the world but it is the starting of the end of humanity. This world will end due to human factors, human morality and human values. People around the world as losing humanity; mass shootings, rapes, suicide bombers, hypocrite politicians etc. As some people on the world get poorer and poorer, the rich gets richer and richer. These will never end, sadly.
If the world is ending, the best indication are natural disasters. Mother nature will wreck her havoc on us first. Tsunami, earthquakes, typhoon, hurricanes, volcano eruptions are all unleashed. While i didn't believe 2012 is the end of the world, i do believe that natural disasters will happen. And sure enough, it happened.

Ok, enough with the serious stuff. So i was thinking, if the world isn't ending then, might as well enjoy every moment of your life here. YOLO right? A new year brings new hope and new beginnings for people. This year, i'm gonna start new. Recently i've just entered my University president list (for scholars) and i really thank God for letting this happen. This is my new beginning. My aim? To keep up the good work and strive harder AND of course i won't forget to enjoy myself here too. I want to try to make this year fruitful as i'm now at the epicenter of my youth. It sucks to grow old for sure but i can't stop time. Plus, i don't want to live for eternity and witness the end of the world. Yeah, enjoy it while it last. I'm already in sophomore year and a new semester always saddens me when i think of the limited time i have in university. I'm savoring the moments. When i graduate it's going to be even exciting i guess. : l
So everyone, cheer up and make this an eventful new year. You got your chance, make full use of it now.

Beware of shop owners

I haven't been updating my blog for months and that's really cuz i ran out of things to rant on. There isn't really much to talk about these days except well, school shootings, politics, India gang rape case and of course, the ending of the world. I'm still well and alive now so the mayans should recount the end of the world again. I'm not ready to leave this world yet, i wanna enjoy life and see things. So yeah.

Back to the topic, since i can't think much of anything to write on, i recalled watching a Korean variety show, called Running Man. In case any of you don't know, its pretty big around asia and some parts of the world. I would say this show is pretty interesting and hilarious if u get their puns. So i remember one episode when they went to China and they were given a mission to buy some stuff. Once group was suppose to buy this blown up sugar thing that can be bent into shapes. I don't know whats the name but its a sugar lump being blown in air (manually mind you, i dont get why someone would buy and eat that thing with someone's breath in it). Anyway, when they first asked for the price, the shop owner was telling them 5 yuan and when the owner hand over the thing, he asked for 6 yuan instead. I mean, gosh, he's blatantly trying to cheat celebrity in front of, not a national tv, but an international tv. I'd say i lost respect to these shop owners there. Bravo, that old man manage to ruin their reputation. Good thing one of the members of the team remembered the original price and was like "Hey no, you said 5!". So that old man had no choice but charge 5. Seriously, even when he was embarrassing himself, he remains poker face. It brought me to think about how shameless these people are when making money. They would do anything! And because of their habits, price of goods are rising everywhere until no one dares to buy anything. They deliberately hitch up the price then expect u to buy it without haggling.

So if you're a smart tourist, haggle the price before buying. Don't be afraid of doing so, its your right. Go ahead and haggle for at least 10. Why? For example, if a thing cost 10, they'll charge you 20. Haggle as much as you can, if they refuse, walk away and you'll hear them desperately calling out prices lower than the price they charge. I'll give you a real life example: My mom was walking in Chinatown and she wanted to buy a new luggage bag, so she looked at one of the designer bags at a store. She asked the price, it was 400, and it doesn't look like its a genuine designer bag. So she haggled for 300, the shop owner refuse, saying its the best price she can get. My mom said no and walked off. As we walked, we hear him calling "ok, 300 then." We kept walking, he continued, 

"No? 350..." 

still walking

"200..........................100..............................50!"

We just laughed at what we heard. From 400 down to just 50! That reflects the true value of that bag. We didnt go back of course. 

These people, their main aim is to rip tourist off their money and many succeeded. 

Short Story: The Bracelet

There was once a lovely young couple who were madly in love with each other. They would sneak out at night and take walks along the riverbanks, enveloped in each other and totally absorbed in their own world. He loved her so much, he would climbed the highest mountain and fight the fiercest sea's. She in turn would do anything for him, even preparing to give him her life. When he was out of town, they felt like they were worlds apart. She would sit by her window every night, looking and praying for his safe return. Then once he did, the first thing he would do was to find her and present her with the most beautiful flower. But as he told her once, no flowers can be compared to her beauty.
There's just one problem for them. Their statuses were a world apart. He was the son of a politician and she was just the daughter of a blacksmith. His parent's resented the thought of having a poor peasant to be their daughter in law, they did everything to break their relationship. Being in the Victorian era, the man was to marry his own cousin, a vile and vain young woman. Despite that fact, he was determine to make her his bride. He promised, no matter what it takes, he will return to her.
 Finally, he was prepared to face his parents disapproval and propose to her. Since he could not gain his mother's inherited ring, he decided to custom make a bracelet as an engagement present. However tragedy struck when he was making his way back from the jeweller. He fell down a steep hill and suffered serious injuries including brain damage.
When he regained consciousness, he lost his memories. He couldn't remember anyone including his beloved but miraculously, he remembered that there was someone very important to him. He questioned everyone in his family and his vile cousin took advantage of his situation to claim that she was his lover. He was skeptical but since everyone was telling him that, he believed them. 
The girl heard of his accident and was so worried, she fell ill for days. To make matters worse, she heard that her love had forgotten about her. Her world was now plunged into despair. Every attempt to reunite with her lover was stopped by her parents and his family. When his family announced his wedding to his cousin, her heart stopped beating. She has lost hope on everything and wanted to jumped into the sea.
Meanwhile, he waited for the days that leads up to his wedding to his cousin. He couldn't help but feel nervous and worried about what he had forgotten. Occasionally, a odd girl would try to enter his family grounds and calling his name. She was usually removed before he can talk to her. When questioned her identity, his family claimed the girl was mad. He did not ponder at first but when she started sneaking in at night, his suspicions grew. One night, he finally manage to ask her name before the guard caught her.
'It's me! Beatrice, your love! Why don't you remember me?!'
That information shocked him, yet a warmth feeling crept into his heart. Then the girl stop showing up. The feeling that something was lost was eating him and he couldn't shake it off. He decided to take a stroll down the street.
The jeweller saw the young man and rushed to him. 'Sir Reginald, your bracelet is done. When do you want to pick it up?'
Curious as to when he ordered a bracelet made, he enquired about it. The jeweller told him he made it before his accident and that it was made specially for someone he loved dearly. He asked if it was Lisbeth, his cousin, the jeweller looks lost. He ordered it sent to him by evening.
The parcel containing the bracelet was send to his home without the knowledge of anyone in the family and he opened it. Inside a box, a shiny new gold bracelet encrusted with emerald, nestled in silk. He took it gently out of the box and examined it under the dim light of his room.
There shone brighter than the fire was the words 'To Beatrice, my love, my life'. Then he remembered. Every details that leading up to his accident. His lost love, the empty feeling was Beatrice. 
Without wasting time, he ran in search of the girl and found her perched on the rocks near the sea. Their reunion was sweet. Like finding water in a dessert. 
On his supposed wedding day to Lisbeth, he presented the bracelet to Beatrice and they eloped far far away where they lived happily together forever. 

Art by my best friend Karen/Chaco Karr

Song dedication: My Wish by Rascal Flatts

I hope that the days come easy and the moments pass slow,

And each road leads you where you want to go,

And if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,

I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.

And if one door opens to another door closed,

I hope you keep on walkin' till you find the window,

If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile,

But more than anything, more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,

All the ones who love you, in the place you left,

I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,

And you help somebody every chance you get,

Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,

And you always give more than you take.

But more than anything, yeah, and more than anything,

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,

You never need to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to,

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,

Yeah, this, is my wish.

This is my wish

I hope you know somebody loves you

May all your dreams stay big

* A wonderful song that you can dedicate to friends, lovers and families. The lyrics are really meaningful and touching. I dedicate this song to my best friend, i pray she can get through all her troubles and challenges. And i hope she always know that she's not alone~ I love you Karen. Be strong!