Lovely surprise

Believe me when I say I never gotten a surprise birthday party before. Every time I had to give subtle hints about my birthday and it spoils the fun y'know. So my birthday is coming up in 5 days and I never give much thought about it. 
I invited few friends out today with a motive to give one of them their belated birthday present instead I've been given the surprise instead. After dinner they showed up with cakes and a birthday present. Never did I  anticipated this so nevertheless I was really touched~ 
It does add up to my wonderful memories in University so thank you my dear friends, you've given me a wonderful memory to cherish. Lots of Love~ 

Somebody to love

I was just listening through my old songs and i just really listened to the lyrics from Somebody to love by Anne Hathaway from "Ella Enchanted". Ironically, it suits my situation really well right now. The part where she sang 

"Take a look in the mirror and cry, Lord, what ya doing to me. 
I've spent all my years believing in you, but I just can't get no relief. 
Lord, somebody, somebody, can anybody find me, somebody to love."

 It's so sad when i think about it. I'm turning the big 20 in a week and still I never found someone to love (as in romantically) Sure i have family, friends, pets and other objects to love but it's all in a different kind of love.   Being a hopeless romantic person in nature (actually from reading all the fairy tale love novels), I also wish to find someone to love someday. And I've been holding on to that belief for years, yearning for the day I can actually experience this "heavenly" feeling (as how my inconsiderate happily in love friends would put it).
It's unpleasant to be the odd one out during valentines =.=
See, it's also bad to be so critically studying the types of love in psychology. I learn to be not content with just the normal love for parents and friends. I want to experience all kind of love. So far I did experience all except romantic ones.
So i've been waiting for years and asking God the same question all the time "Why? What are you waiting for?". Can it be my fault? Or is my cupid lazing off somewhere? Anyway, i'm still waiting hoping that the someday will come soon.

Coincidently mixed up

Found this on google, pretty~~~

I don't know how to say this. Sometime, we plan things according to what we want but as we grow older, we change the plan or adjust it, then add in reality and there are major changes to your original plan. I don't know if it's suppose to be like this as a way of discovering what you really want or just messed up. 
I think of how my plan works out since young as mixed up and i guess it's fated. Lemme tell you, what I dream of becoming is totally different from what I will be right now. When I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a lawyer cuz it's cool. I lived on that dream for years, then a grew out of it and I wanted to be a veterinarian cuz I love cute little animals (of course my innocent young mind hadn't thought of the possibilities of sticking my hand into cow ass and treating snakes or lizards). For a while when I was in my early teens, I have no idea what do I wanna be. They ask me what do I want to be and I just gave them my old answer-lawyer. I didn't want to be a lawyer anymore, then. For sometime I changed my mind A LOT. Seriously a lot- actress, pilot, nurse, marine biologist, meteorologist, astronaut etc.
Then it came to the decision of college entrance as I'm going to sit for the public exams. So being clueless to what I want, I gave my parents the authority to choose my path and they're really realistic. Accountancy, Engineering, Teacher or even a my parents own personal maid =.= (with the condition that I failed my exams horribly and i can't earn a living for myself) That was one pretty hilarious choice but I know deep inside they wouldn't have chosen that for me and would make sure I wouldn't go down that path.
Anyway, I thought about accountancy and I was like 'Ok, if that's what makes you happy.' Then I realize, accountancy needs math skills, something I am horribly bad at. It's a good thing I was old enough, cognitively advanced enough to think about the consequences then cuz I would have hated my life now. Anyway, I rejected all their ideas in the end, oh, I did consider teaching. I even applied for public university in education. But growing up, I've heard and experience the horror of teaching kids nowadays so THANK GOD, i didn't get accepted. My fate wasn't teaching, THANK GOD!!!
But i was really desperate cuz the results are out and I did better than my parents expectation. It's average but meh, its considered very good. My personality, hmm, I'm helpful though an introvert from being bullied in school (thank so much you bitches, you ruined me) Anyway, since I'm good at the service department, I choose hospitality management. I really did wanted it then, I liked the idea of being a hotelier. So, my parents was also okay with it though we all know the possible challenges in the future. We went to talks, open days, gather everything we can about this course and the only thing remaining is finding the suitable college to enter. My parents think i wont be able to live alone so they chose one closest to home.
The funny thing is, though I was so enthusiastic about entering college and studying hospitality management, I had the nagging feeling that something isn't right. It's such a subtle feeling that I ignored it. The week before I was suppose to register in the college for that course, I heard that a good friend of mine chose to register at a private university at the total opposite my home town. Somehow something just made me change my mind about studying hospitality in college near home. I realized that all those times, going through the education fair, I didn't even glance at that university and yet I chose to go to this university at the last moment (it's really a last moment, few weeks before the starting semester) My friend of course, encouraged me to go. I looked through the courses offered and somehow Psychology just really attracts my attention and I was thinking if i'm going to go there, I won't change my mind no matter what. Within few weeks and fed-exing, I completed the procedures to enter my current university majoring in Psychology.
What I'm trying to say here, from lawyer to veterinarian to hospitality management, All from different field. I never ever thought about being a psychology major but here I am studying it. I got a offer from a public university while I was halfway doing pre-u in my current university, it took me a long time to decided whether i should accept it. My mom wanted me to cuz the tuition fee is certainly lower than a private University. But i chose to stay and I never regretted my decision.
I'm fascinated by how things works in my life, it sounds mixed up right? but no, I ended up enjoying my life here, studying happily despite the heavy workload of assignments,presentations and exams but hey, everyone has to face this in tertiary education. How my original plan was diverted so far out that the past dreams are like fading shadows. That got me into thinking about God's plan for everyone's life, did he purposely make me take this road? Was it just coincidently or was it already mapped out for me by God?
Was it really just a coincident that I decided to stupidly enter the wrong class on the first day of University and ended up meeting one of my best friend now?
Was it a coincident that I applied for teaching college and I got turned down?
Things happen for a reason, as I've been told and studying so far. I really do believe this.
Next my plan is to be an author and i believe this I can achieve. It's not like I make it a full time job so it's always possible.
So, think about it. Is everything that happened in your life a coincidence? Or it's planned so that you achieve what you are suppose to achieve?
I'm still waiting for the day when I'll make full use of my patience from being bullied and waiting for the right guy to come along. So far I'm still practising my patience for the latter cuz that's just how it is, my bad luck on men. Well, that's not really the point. But seriously, my grandma has been pestering me about it and due to her alzheimer she even made me an imaginative doctor boyfriend. =.= Cute but not helping at all. 

Special A Fanfiction: A word from the author

                              

This is a made up story about the continuation of the anime Special A. If you read it, you'll see that the story revolves around Tsuji Ryuu (one of the original S.A). I noticed that in the anime, he's the only one without a mate at the end of the anime. But on further research, i found out that in the manga he does in fact has a mate. So, rather than forgetting about this idea, i decided to write this while the idea is still fresh in my mind.
I tried to add in the original characters as much as possible but most importantly I focus on Ryuu and Ayano.
I hope you'll like it, please don't hate me for writing another extra character to replace the original story. As i mentioned, this is just a fan fiction. If there's any feedback please feel free to comment, I appreciate some feedbacks on my writing skills. Thanks~

Special A Fanfiction: Part 11 (Epilogue)

The greenhouse looks serene from outside, inside it’s a totally different scene. Three weeks has passed since the night of the barbeque. Kei had noticed that Ryuu and Ayano hasn’t return even when the bonfire had started long ago, so he sent out a search party. They found them snuggled in each other’s arms on the beach. Ryuu looking his worst but he looks happy. Instead of thanking them for finding them, both of them were rather annoyed by the disturbance on their reunion.

Ryuu hobbled his way up to the greenhouse, gleeful that after three long weeks of recuperation at home, he was finally allowed to attend class. He still limps a little from his broken leg but the other part of him was fine. He looked up and smiled at the familiar face standing at the door, waiting for him.

They made their way to the group, stealing shy glances at each other. Ayano looked up at the group of people in front of them. Jun and Megumi conversing with the help of Megumi’s sketchpad, Akira abusing Tadashi as usual for hogging up the snacks and lastly at Hikari and Kei, who were still bickering over who will aced the next exams. This scene she has already gotten used to and she would like it to stay as it is.

Ryuu took her hands as they reached them, all of their classmates beamed down at Ryuu and Ayano welcomingly. She looked Ryuu, finally she can stay in a place where she really belonged, next to the man she loves who smiling lovingly at her. She feels at home. Taking her seat on the couch, she happily accepts her position as the eight member of Special A in Hakusenkan.

Special A Fanfiction: Part 10

She winced at her throbbing head, it felt like splitting open. Ayano opened her eyes, her sight blurry but slowly adjusting to the surrounding. What had just happen? She wondered. She looked up at the edge where she just fallen over then she moved her arms. A groan came out under her and she looked down and gasped.

Ryuu looked badly injured, a gash opened up near his forehead and scratches all over his arms and face were bleeding. Most of all, she noticed how his arms wrapped protectively around her body, shielding her from the impact of the fall. Ayano hurriedly wriggled out from his arms and held his face in her hands.

‘Ryuu, can you hear me? Ryuu, what up please!’ she pleaded. Her heart is jumping out of her chest when he didn’t respond. She cried for help but the villa is too far away. She screamed again then placed her ears near him to check if he was still breathing.

‘Ryuu, please! Please wake up,’ she cried. Her tears spilled freely from her face now, she didn’t care if it dripped on his face.

He heard her voice and then her frantic cries. He wanted to make her feel ok, he wanted to stop her from crying. Slowly, he let opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was an angels face above his, crying with relief. He coughed and hissed at the pain, then slowly he reach out his palms to touch her face. To his delight, she held on to his hands that cupped her cheeks.

‘Ryuu, are you ok? Can you hear me?’ Ayano asked worriedly. She cried and laughed weakly when he asked her she was hurt instead. ‘Out of all things, you ask me if I’m hurt?’ she answered incredulously then wiping her tears, ‘I’m fine, but you’re not. We need to get you back to the villa’.

Ryuu smiled when he heard her laughter. He tried to get up but pain shot through his back and he winced. She pushed him down, instructing him to stay still. ‘I’ll go get help so stay here,’ she said, preparing to leave but he grabbed on to her wrist. She looked down at him.

‘No don’t,’ he whispered.

‘Why not? You’re badly injured!’ she shrieked.

‘Please, just stay here with me. I’ll be fine’

‘But – ’ she protested.

‘Please?’ Ryuu pleaded. His eyes so sad that it breaks her heart to see him like that so she gave up and sat next to him, all the while holding on to his hands. Slowly, she lifted his head and slipped her legs underneath, letting his head rest on her thighs. He sighed with content. Next, Ayano let loose of her hair and used her ribbon to bandage the cut on his head. Ryuu let her tend to him carefully, his eyes staring up at her longingly. A tear hit his cheeks.

‘Aya-chan?’

‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sorry I had to be so stubborn all the time. I’m sorry you got hurt because of me every time. I’m sorry – ’ she sniffed, ashamed to meet his eyes. He patted her head and hushed her.

‘Don’t say you’re sorry. It was an accident, it’s not your fault. I should be the one saying sorry to you a million times over again’.

‘Why?’ she sniffed louder.

‘Aya, I need to tell you something’

‘Hmm?’

‘You need to know the truth’

‘Yes?’ she answered cautiously, wiping her eyes and waiting for him to continue.

‘Three years ago, I didn’t broke the engagement because I don’t want you anymore. It was because of Jun and Megumi. I wanted you to be free to do what you want and not tied down because of me,’ he explained.

‘I know,’ Ayano answered meekly.

‘You do?’ he looked at her with surprise. ‘Then why?’

‘I kind of suspected but I can’t be too sure. I was mad at you because you underestimated yourself, you think you can’t bring me happiness because you need to care for the others. The truth is Ryuu, being next to you and knowing that I can be your support and help you is enough for me because I know you care for me too,’ she stroked his cheeks gently with her fingers. Fresh tears sprung from her eyes, he wiped it away.

‘The other day when you appeared, I was actually very happy but then when you ran away from me, I felt my world crashing down again’.

‘I’m sorry’.

‘Remember what I told you on the beach three years ago?’ he asked and she nodded. He took her hands, ‘I’m keeping my promise, so don’t run away from me anymore’ he kissed her hands and she cried tears of happiness. She told him yes.

Ignoring the pain, he lifted his head towards hers and took her face between his hands and kissed her passionately. The longing, pain and suffering for three years forgotten and never to be remembered like the sands washed away by the waves.

He pulled back and looked into her eyes, ‘I love you, I always do and I always will’.

She smiled, ‘I love you too’.

Special A Fanfiction: Part 9

The ground crunched under their feet as they collect firewood in silence. The song of the crickets filled the cold night air. On a few occasion, Ryuu would reach out to steady Ayano when she almost trip on the treacherous roots. She would mumble her thank you awkwardly, other than that they never uttered a word. Ryuu would steal occasional glances at her when she’s busy picking twigs.

Without realizing, they reached the edge of the island. The sea spread out beautifully under the dark sky, the beach almost under their feet. They marveled at the water, sparkling like thousand of diamonds.

Ayano sighed, ‘Beautiful isn’t it?’. Her words shocked Ryuu, it took him a while to figure what she was talking about. To him, her beauty outshines the sea anytime. ‘Yea’. She smiled gently and called him, ‘Ryuu’.

He looked up at her and it dazzled him, her eyes reflected the moon as she spoke to him. ‘I’m sorry for the other day, I realized it was really childish of me,’ she bit her lips. ‘Since I’m leaving soon, I decided we call a truce. What do you say?’

He considered this and nodded. No, this isn’t right. I don’t want it to end this way, he thought.

‘Ryuu, do you still remember the day we came to the beach for the summer holidays?’ she asked, staring out into the open sea. He remembered that day more than anyone could, that day was as beautiful as it is today. Ryuu smiled, ‘Yes, the summer 3 years ago. The sea looks even prettier then’.

‘Yea, I guess nothing will ever beat the memories of that day,’ she smiled. Her tears starting to cloud her vision and she rubbed her eyes, ‘Ah, the sand got into my eyes. She chuckled softly, ‘Guess it’s time we get back’.

His mind was still wandering on that day when he brought her to the beach and they walked hand in hand along the shore, enjoying their moment of solitude. He turned her around to face him and he said to her, ‘Ayano, will you stay with me forever, no matter what happens?’. She hugged him tight and said, ‘I will if you would’. He said he will but he broke his promised.

Now when they’re alone together again and he can’t let this chance slip. He needed to apologize to her. Ryuu grabbed her hands as she started to walk back, the twigs in her arms fell to the ground.

‘Aya – ’ he called and she felt her  heart beats faster.

‘Yes?’

‘We need to talk,’ he looked deep into her eyes. She blinked, ‘I don’t think there’s any more to talk about, what’s been said is said, let’s just leave it there’. She tugged her hands free but he held on tighter. He threw his own pile of collections fell and pulled her back towards the edge, his eyes burning with determination.

‘Ryuu, stop it! Let me go’.

‘Not until you hear me out’.

‘Let me go!’ she shouted and gave a sharp yank. His grip loosened but she felt herself slip right over the edge.

As she fell, the last thing she remembered was staring wide eyed at Ryuu who jumped right after her, arm stretched. She felt his warmth as they fell down 10 meters below.