Envy or Gratefulness?

I spend most of the time battling between these two conflicting emotions-being grateful or being envious. One is a positive emotion, the other a negative emotion. I was bored a while ago, so i decided to visit some of my old classmate's from primary school right till end of high school's facebook page. Well, just out of curiosity. I wanted to know how their life is now, how different it is from me.

 I saw many living lifestyle's that i would never have imagine them taking. Some married and building a family (i mean why? they're still so young and yet they chose this path. To give up the chance for a better shot of success in life. I just don't get it), some pursuing their dreams, studying in colleges, working. But what really brings me to my topic is the mixed feelings i get looking at their pictures, happily studying at overseas (something i really wanted to and yet can't). That emotion kinda constricted me.

I am really envious, they get to study somewhere they really want and be happy about it. While i'm stuck here in a local university, my dreams are not here but there. They say the grass is greener on the other side, i believe so. So what i'm doing here? Eating sour grapes, feeling bitter. 

But i can't be like this. Those people, they can afford it. I'm living on my parent's money to study here, i can't afford to dream big. We can't afford it. So i tell myself everyday how lucky i am to be here, to have a chance to receive tertiary education that some can't even afford. For that i feel grateful. I am grateful for all the sacrifices my parent's made for me in order for me to be here. 

Those classmates studying overseas, they have an easy head start in life. I might need to do some extra work in order to get to where i want to be.  I guess i just have to work for it, my dreams. Although envious, it doesn't really bother anymore that those people are there. They have their way of life, i have mine. We're different people, why should we be doing the same things?

I should be grateful. If i got the opportunity to study oversea's earlier on, i might not even meet my friends now. It's sad. I never knew the true meaning of friendship until i was 16 years old. That's why i don't call anyone i met before i was 16 a friend. Cuz that's what they aren't.

I will get there someday and i want myself to be able to lift my head high and say i worked for it. I achieve my dreams on my own. Till then, i should continue to be grateful. Where i am now, is a ladder for me to reach where i want to be.

Quote of the day

"Do I have to have her? If I love someone, do I have to have them?" - Park Joon Ha (Nice guy/Innocent man)

Man you gotta love this guy~ I know I do. He's undeniably hot, charismatic, smart, gentle and kind. The poor guy who wouldn't get the girl but will still care for her from afar, silently supporting her.
I find this quote really meaningful. In life we can't get everything we want, of course we try the best to get it but what's never meant to be yours will never be yours. So is it a must to have someone or something you love? His answer is not really and I couldn't agree more with him.

To know real personality of celebrities

Don't let tabloid fool you about celebrities behavior! Of course in front of the camera, celebrities know better than to misbehave unless they want to be famous for the wrong reason. I mean, yeah, there's plenty of celebrities who gain publicity through doing stupid stuff. (I'm pretty sure Kristen Steward scandal was a publicity stunt). Do you notice mostly their bad/true behavior's are only known when photo's were leaked, videos were taken secretly, observation from public. oh yes, the only way to know if that person is really who they are on camera, is (i suggest) watch reality TV show. 

Just showing a picture of the drama queens

Even if it's on camera, you can try to act as fake and nice as you want. But prolong exposure can make you forget you're on camera and there, the true colors of the person shows. Be it swearing and cursing, tongue slips, mischievios acts..... you will see and judge it for yourself. Then you decide whether you really like/admire/idolize/love them or not. For example, Keeping Up with the Kardashians. ugh~~ i hate those bitches. They over exaggerate things, fake everything and they act so innocently when facing the public. Yeah right~~ That's why i don't watch them at all, i just wonder why my mom and sis does.
Guys, they can be so charming in this industry but don't let them fool you. Before you fall head over heels for them, think carefully. Again, watch shows! Why? i'll give you reason why.
Lets take for example, korean stars (hot aren't they?) Jung yong hwa-CN blue, Nickhun-2PM and JoKwon-2AM. I watch them on the "We got married" show where they pretend to be married to another celeb (girls of course). Through the show, you see how they interact with each other and I can conclude many things just by observing. Observation! It's powerful. Though it might sometimes be inaccurate but well, i think it's one of the most useful tool. 
What i deduce? I can see that Jung yong hwa might be a really good friend, he pretty much doesn't suit to be a boyfriend. He's the kind that enjoys power and I can see he wants his way at things. He can serenade you into loving him them he'll be cold and sarcastic once you're hook to him. And he's not really romantic or his idea of romantic really doesn't work on girls.

Top: JoKwon & Ga In
Middle: Victoria & Nickhun 
 Bottom: Yong hwa & Seohyun

Then there's JoKwon, he's once hell of a fun guy to hang out with. Great friend, considerate, fun, and he's lovable. Girls might like him as friends but not really as a boyfriend.(or he's just not my type, too skinny). He's too shy at times it's unbearable. He is romantic but a little stingy, girlfriends shouldn't expect too much from him. He won't splurge until he's sure. i absolutely love his episode cuz it guarantee lots of laughter and "aww" moments.
For Nickhun, okay, he's really a romantic guy. He's every girls dream guy. Kind, considerate, cute, helpful, generous, romantic, fun... oh the list goes on. This guy shouldn't have any problem serenading a girl, those dimples are to die for. I enjoy watching his episodes and not to mention, plenty of "aww" moments too.

It's not easy to know a person in and out. What you see is how they react to public in general, to know even more, you need to go into a deeper level like friends. That's when they open up bit by bit. Think of it as peeling an onion, it goes from layer to layer. That's how we really know the person, peel their mask. Sometimes good looks are deceiving, write that down.

Some problem with Korean drama

Recently i'm kinda obsessed with the korean drama "Innocent man". I must say, they really portrayed the characters so real until i feel like choking the real actress and actor for being so evil. And Damn! song joong ki is just so handsome. Tsk~

But anyway, along the drama i've notice some mistakes. I'm not saying its just them, i also see repeated mistakes in other drama. First, the phone model. Sure, Samsung LOVES to promote their new phone in korean drama's and in this case it's the Galaxy S3. As we all know Samsung tends to come out with new models oh so frequently. So why is the actors inside still using the S3 after fast forwarding few years into the future? Don't most people already change to a newer model by then?

And the second problem... tsk, all the characters use the exact same freaking phone. It's only differences in colour but well, samsung aren't famous for their different coloured phones except Corby. So i see mostly white, blue or black in the drama. I'm not just saying Samsung, i noticed that in drama's using Sony phones too. Plus, oh they just love showing their phone features. Well, that's what we call product placement. meh.

Third, the oh so predictable endings at times. I can even be a director if you allow me to. <oh but don't worry i won't> Which is why i only choose specific drama's to watch. The plot sometimes starts with a bang then ends with a whimper, i mean WHAT? it suppose to be the other way round. And i really hate it when the ending sounds promising then it ended up tragically different. Geez!!!

Anyway, this is just the few problems i found irritating. There are many more but it doesn't bother me that much. Innocent man is a great drama to me, good looking cast and a nice plot. I feel bad for Song joong ki's character, always getting misunderstood. And oh my, the attorney inside <drools>... I mean the younger one<glare> lee sang yeob~~~ gosh, he is HOT!! So if you're a fan of twisted plots or dramatic turns then i guess this drama is recommended. Tho i warn you, you REALLY do wanna kill some characters inside. I don't know if it's a compliment or not. :/ It's still airing and i can't freakin wait  for the ending. >XD

Pheromones

I have no idea why some guys can just attract so many girls even tho they don't have much redeeming qualities. Years ago, i was also attracted by this one guy that is cold, unromantic, short and hunching guy who loves basketball. And he had LOADS of girls going after him tho he has eyes for only one girl who doesn't even care about him. Mind you, it took me few years to fully forget about him. But what i'm saying is, he really isn't a great guy when i sit down and think rationally. I'm pretty sure he's not even a good boyfriend candidate. So the issue, WHY? what do they have that makes them so popular among girls even when they're not really that good looking. I think its the pheromones.They reek of it.
I know a few guys who are like this. They're not handsome, overweight, shy? i guess, romantic? so and so, funny? nope!, kind? i guess. I don't know what's it with them. 
Anyway, they're very normal looking guy who we usually just look once and don't forget their faces and YET they have plenty of girls interested in them, some willing to do ridiculous stuff just to get their attention. Why? That's always the question in my mind, Why? Ok, i admit, when i get too close to their radar, I also start acting like those shy giggly teenage girls. Its like being in a spell when you go near them, but luckily i regained my sanity and stayed far far away from those guys. So i've been safe till now.
I tell ya, it's the pheromones working. Some girls have them too, tho i see most cases in guys. 
Tell me you've met people like this too, i don't want to be the only one with this problem... <cringe>

15&: I dream

I guess some people don't really know about them~ A brief introduction for these lovely girls.  They joined JYPE and the duo consist of "Survival K-Pop Star", Park Jimin and Baek Yerin. Recently they debut as a duo with their first single "I dream" and let me just tell ya, this song is packed with a bang.
Both of them are decent in looks and not stick thin models but their voice certainly is powerful enough to stand out as some of the korean elites who actually sings (believe me, most korean girls from girl groups only depends on the pretty face and figure to earn the bucks. They are talentless in singing! - true story). I see 15& as a future korean version of Adele. Just listening to the song you'll see how good they are. Just love the song~~ :)

Short story: The Vampiress

The young hunter’s heart pounded against his chest as he waited. The rain was hammering down on him mercilessly but he has a job to do. His eyes searched the shadows for her. As promised, she turned up at their appointed time. Her hair, as dark as night, was dripping wet as she stood and watched him. Dressed in sleek black suit, her porcelain skin and slender body was hard to miss. She glided towards him gracefully and he watched her.

‘You kept your promise,’ he told her as she eyed him carefully. The lightning flashed and her eyes shone with a brilliant electric blue, the genuine eyes of a vampire. On a rainy day like this, the human hunter smelled so appealing and she had to stop herself from pouncing on him. Like him, she had a mission too.

‘I couldn’t break a promise that was set by you, Adam.  Now, what can I do for you, I assume you have some business with me?' she whispered, her gaze seductive to the human eyes.

The hunter tensed, he shouldn’t be doing this. The stake in his pocket burn but he ignored it. He gazed longingly at her because as much as it was forbidden, he fell in love with a creature of the night. Bred by his parents to be vampire hunter since young, he broke the absolute law.

‘What are you?’ he asked, knowing the answer.

‘I trust you already know, since you had that stake prepared in your pocket,’ she answered. ‘Tell me, what are you waiting for? You want me dead don’t you?’ she asked accusingly, her eyes suddenly turned dark and menacing. She felt threatened and it was her instinct to fight. However this boy looks quite scared and confused.

‘I don’t want to kill you,’ he whispered. ‘I love you, I trust you. You’re not like the other bloodsuckers’.

‘Hah!’ she mocked. ‘Boy, you make a wrong move trusting a vampire, don’t you know we can’t always be trusted?’ she questioned amusingly.

‘No, I trust you’ he insisted. Surprisingly she smiled and leaned into his arms.

She trailed her fingers across his chest up to his face and held his eyes. Gently, she kissed him softly on the lips. The human scent overwhelmed her and she breathed in the rich aroma. Venom filled her mouth. Licking down his throat, she whispered, ‘We shall see about that’. Baring her pearly white fangs, she sank her canines deep into his veins

You're no fit as a hunter my boy, she thought as she let the venom flow into the human body.