Envy or Gratefulness?

I spend most of the time battling between these two conflicting emotions-being grateful or being envious. One is a positive emotion, the other a negative emotion. I was bored a while ago, so i decided to visit some of my old classmate's from primary school right till end of high school's facebook page. Well, just out of curiosity. I wanted to know how their life is now, how different it is from me.

 I saw many living lifestyle's that i would never have imagine them taking. Some married and building a family (i mean why? they're still so young and yet they chose this path. To give up the chance for a better shot of success in life. I just don't get it), some pursuing their dreams, studying in colleges, working. But what really brings me to my topic is the mixed feelings i get looking at their pictures, happily studying at overseas (something i really wanted to and yet can't). That emotion kinda constricted me.

I am really envious, they get to study somewhere they really want and be happy about it. While i'm stuck here in a local university, my dreams are not here but there. They say the grass is greener on the other side, i believe so. So what i'm doing here? Eating sour grapes, feeling bitter. 

But i can't be like this. Those people, they can afford it. I'm living on my parent's money to study here, i can't afford to dream big. We can't afford it. So i tell myself everyday how lucky i am to be here, to have a chance to receive tertiary education that some can't even afford. For that i feel grateful. I am grateful for all the sacrifices my parent's made for me in order for me to be here. 

Those classmates studying overseas, they have an easy head start in life. I might need to do some extra work in order to get to where i want to be.  I guess i just have to work for it, my dreams. Although envious, it doesn't really bother anymore that those people are there. They have their way of life, i have mine. We're different people, why should we be doing the same things?

I should be grateful. If i got the opportunity to study oversea's earlier on, i might not even meet my friends now. It's sad. I never knew the true meaning of friendship until i was 16 years old. That's why i don't call anyone i met before i was 16 a friend. Cuz that's what they aren't.

I will get there someday and i want myself to be able to lift my head high and say i worked for it. I achieve my dreams on my own. Till then, i should continue to be grateful. Where i am now, is a ladder for me to reach where i want to be.